What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
Why did the farmer fence in the bull? The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
Knock Knock Who's there ! Crispin ! Crispin who ? Crispin crunchy is how I like my apples !
How did the calf's final exam turn out? Grade A!
Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson? Because he'd already done the sharps and flats.
Why are gold fish orange ? The water makes them rusty !
"I'll have to report you, sir," said the traffic cop to the speeding driver. "You were doing 85 miles an hour." "Nonsense, officer," declared the driver. "I've only been in the car for ten minutes."
What do you call a clever monster? Frank Einstein.
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click." "Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle." "What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."
What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits.
Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.
My teacher reminds me of history She's always repeating herself!
After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, "What's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home."
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.
Customer: Why did you take off so much hair? Barber: I didn't, nature beat me to it.
First Cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night? Second Cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper.
A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children.
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000." "Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed." "And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000." "Three close family members lost in three months? How sad." "Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth !