Adding Up by Juan & Juan
What did the police officer say to his stomach? I've got you under a vest.
Knock Knock Who's there ! Boiler ! Boiler who ? Boiler egg for four minutes !
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."
Once a madman said, "Do you know there is a war going on between India and Bharat? Another madman said, "Why should we worry, we live in Hindustan."
'You never get anything right,' complained the teacher. 'What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school ?' 'Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV.'
Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business.
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls? Cornflakes!
How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't cover his Whopper.
Knock Knock Who's there ! Army Ant ! Army Ant who ? Army Ants coming for tea then ?
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
They say she has a sharp tongue. Yes, she can slice bread with it.
Q: How many Clinton administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two--one to screw the bulb into the water faucet while the other tells us that everything possible is being done to help the situation.
There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin."
Waiter, there is a fly in my wine ! Well you did ask for something with a little body in it!
Q: What goes "krab, krab, krab"? - A: A dog barking in a mirror.
Daughter: I will never learn to spell. Mother: Why? Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
Doctor, Doctor, my little brother thinks he's a computer. Well bring him in so I can cure him. I can't, I need to use him to finish my homework.
Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.