If doors have a website shouldn't windows have one too? We'd better, or it will be curtains for us.
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final ? Webley stadium !
Knock Knock Who's there ! Benjamin ! Benjamin who ? Benjamin the blues !
How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes? Hold up your arm and say 'Go back, you didn't say 'May I?''
What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits.
Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner. Brother: Why? Is it broken?
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
Why does a d dog scratch himself? He is the only one that knows where it itches.
Customer: This fish isn't as good as what I ordered here last month. Waiter: That's funny. It's from the same fish.
What do witches eat at Halloween? Spook-etti, Halloweenies, Devil's food cake and Boo-berry pie.
A man out for a walk came across a little boy pulling his cat's tail. 'Hey you!' he shouted, ' don't pull the cat's tail !' 'I'm not pulling !' replied the little boy. 'I'm only holding on - the cat's pulling !'
How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Just one. But he has to check it 100 times, one for each watt.
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bride ! Bride who ? Bride and Prejudice !
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 22 lbs 10 oz..
Why is a toothless dog like a tree? It has more bark than bite.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but we've had him a long time.
"Hello?" the blonde responded answering the phone. Hearing no response, she repeated, "Hello?" "I'll bet you want me to come over and take you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe, and then make mad passionate love to you until dawn." the male voice whispered. "Scheesch! You're good." she replied. "You mean you can tell all that from two hello's?"
A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions. The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."
How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing before saying No