Why did the idiot drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff? He wanted to try out his new air brakes.
What can you say about Ham Burger and Chief Justice Warren Burger? Ham Burger is 'well done' and Chief Justice Warren Burger has 'done well'!
Knock Knock Who's there ! Alpaca ! Alpaca who ? Alpaca picnic lunch !
Why are football grounds odd? Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!
What do you get if King Kong falls down a mine shaft? A flat miner.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door. 'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.' All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.
Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride. After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highway patrol for a weight check and inspection. The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn; no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield wipers. Also, it was overloaded and had bad brakes. "Mister," the patrolman said to the driver, "I think the best way to charge you is 'hauling wood without a truck.'"
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were. Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!
Freda: Boys whisper they love me. Fred: Well, they wouldn't admit it out loud, would they?
What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !
"Grandma, why don't you drink tea anymore?" "I don't like it ever since that tea bag got stuck in my throat."
Knock Knock Who's there ! Anne Boleyn ! Anne Boleyn who ? Anne Boleyn alley !
Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head? A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!
Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common? A: They can both drive you crazy.
What did the young witch say to her mother ? Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer? You take me for grunted.
Teacher : The word politics - can you give me an example of how to use it ? Pupil : My parrot swallowed a watch and now Polly ticks !