What do you call a robbery in China ? A Chinese take away !
What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !
My sister is so dim she thinks that a cartoon is a song you sing in a car.
Mother Banana: Why didn't you go to school today? Little Banana: Because I didn't peel well.
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of peoples heads? Because they're headcases !
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
What system do they teach in Hamburger High's math courses? The meatric system, silly!
How do you define an aardvark? Aan aanimal that resembles an aanteater!
What do history teachers make when they want to get together? Dates!
What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t.
Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup? Waiter: Probably learning to read.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me One at a time please
Where do you find monster snails? On the end of monsters fingers.
What do you call a ghost at midnight? A sheet in the dark!
What has 200 legs, 50 noses, and is very loud? A herd of stampeding aardvarks!
Why did the boy take the ruler to bed? He wanted to see how long he slept.
Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt shaker yet ? Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through all those little holes !
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog. Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk, and I swatted one, how many flies would be left? Girl: One - the dead one!