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What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer? A fair cop.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Brent ! Brent who ? Brent out of shape !

How do we know hamburgers have high IQ's? They 'loin' fast!

Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to cash his check. Since he didn't have an account there, the teller asked if he could identify himself. "Sure," said Izzard. "There a mirror around here?" "There's one on the wall right beside you," said the clerk. Izzard took a glance in the mirror and heaved a sigh of relief. "Yep!" he said. "It's me, all right!"

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself? With a hare dryer!

What gives milk and has a horn? A milk tank!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Barber ! Barber who ? Barberd wire !

Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? Because it is two-tired (too tired).

Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've just washed the floor.

Q: What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? - A: Should we walk home or take a dog?

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What a terrible weather today, honey." he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot went fishing!"

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check." In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

'Why are you crying, Ted ?' asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

What lights up a football stadium ? A football match !

Why was the little bear so spoiled ? Because its mother panda'd to its every whim !

My teacher reminds me of history She's always repeating herself !

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route.

Knock Knock Who's there ! Chicken ! Chicken who ? Chicken your pockets - I think your keys are there !s