What cheese is made backwards? Edam.
What kind of bird opens doors ? A kiwi !
Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!
Q: What happened when the elephant sat on the car? A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!
Knock knock. Who's there? Underwear. Underwear who? Underwear my baby is tonight?
"I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you." "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?" "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"
Father and son standing outside the elephant's cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, "If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us."
How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. And then he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room. So now he was completely naked in the halls of the headquarters of the most powerful military organization on the planet. And he felt pretty ridiculous. Getting an idea, he walked naked and purposefully through the corridors until he reached the Research & Development laboratory. He walked in and saluted the Head Scientist. "I am here to report the partial success of the personal invisibility device!"
How do you get pikachu on to a boat? You pokemon
What animals do you bring to bed? Your calves.
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
What's a parrot's favourite song? I love Parrots in the Springtime!
Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!
A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world." The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world." The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?
Why do hamburgers make good baseball players? They're great at the plate!
What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships.
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule." "We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead." "I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'Thats once.'"
Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.