What should you buy if your hair falls out ? A good vacuum cleaner !
Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new car to commemorate President Clinton's election? A: It's gonna be called the Dodge Drafter!
How can you tell when a skunk is angry? It raises a stink!
Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a garbage compactor.
What's long and stylish and full of cats? The Easter Purrade!
Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?" Jesus says, "Just hanging around."
You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No, they've always been blue!
What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell it but they can't eat it.
What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas? Ince pies!
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
What did the spider say to the bee ? Your honey or your life !
QUESTION: What is honeymoon? ANSWER: That brief span of time between, "I do" and "You'd better!"
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
What is an autobiography? The life story of an automobile.
Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they e at like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"
One idiot said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
What do you call a big irish spider ? Paddy long legs !
At the inquest into her husband's death by food poisoning Mrs Wally was asked by the coroner if she could remember her husband's last words. "Yes," she replied. "He said 'I don't know how that shop can make a profit from selling this salmon at only 20 cents a tin..."
First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.