Jane's father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?" "Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are we getting a dog?"
Two blind man at a cinema: "Can you see something ?" "No". "Then let's go in front !"
Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two (of course) but it will take all week and when they're done the light bulb will do your homework, speak French and shine any colour you want from it.
How does a ghost start a letter? Tomb it may concern.
The Post Script by Adeline Extra
A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates. The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell. The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell. The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven."
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?" The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."
Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? A: King Kong is more sensitive.
What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck ? A duck filled fatty puss !
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ? Fang letters !
A fireman and policeman died and both went to heaven where they were issued their wings with the warning that if they had even one bad thought their wings would fall off. Well, everything went well for some time then one day they passed a very attractive and well put together young lady. As the fireman turned to watch her pass his wings fell off. When he bent over to pick them up the policemans wings fell off.
Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two? Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!
Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease? A. Because they're all pigs.
Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual? No, only medium rare!
Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Q: How does Al Gore spell potato? A: T-A-T-E-R.
Name the pig's favorite Shakespeare play. Hamlet.
What do birds say on Halloween? "Trick-or-tweet!"
What letter stands for the ocean? The letter C.
A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it ''Curl Up and Dye.''