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Q:Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A:('He wanted cold hard cash!')

What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree ? A cat-a-logue !

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4? Class: At once!

Q: What kind of dog does a dracula like? - A: A Bloodhound.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving. They'd be wrong, but you could still use them.

Teacher: Can you count to 10? Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Teacher: Now go on from there. Fred: Jack, Queen, King.

Why were the flies playing football in saucer ? They where playing for the cup !

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rock-et.

Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don't see why not," replies the doctor. "That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows? Because at last he was in the noose.

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married." "Why not?" giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?... A month later he was picking his teeth

Why You Need Insurance by Justin Case

Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees. They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Kowalski finally said, "Janzek, I'm takin' the next tree we come to, whether it has lights on it or not!"

Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!

Sir you haven't touched your custard. I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline !

What bird has wings but cannot fly ? Roast turkey !

What part of a football ground is never the same ? The changing rooms !