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How can you tell a dog from a tomato? The tomato is red.

What do you call a snake who works for the governement ? A civil serpent !

Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive!

Q: What is 61 to a blonde? A: She wants 8 (ate) more.

Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis? A: So they can think with an open mind.

Why do dogs run in circles ? Because its hard to run in squares !

What is the definition of Robin ? A bird who steals !

When is a lion not a lion ? When he turns into his cage !

Why don't you see blonde pharmacists? They can't get the bottles into the typewriter!

What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate ? The registration of the car that ran him over !

What did the little ghost eat for lunch? A booloney sandwich!

Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Q. A fireman had two sons. What did he name them? A. Hosea and Hoseb

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks. The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, "meow", the cop says, "oh, its only a cat" He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, "woof, woof". The cop says, "its only a dog". He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, "potato"

What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers ? Cinderelephant !

A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car... Who is driving the car? A police officer!

Three priests were fishing on a boat when they ran out of bait. The first priest got up and walk across the water to get some more bait. After 2 hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait...so he got up and walk across the water. After 3 hours of fishing they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom. The first priest turned to the second priest and asked, "Should we have told him where the rocks were? "

What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants ? The tusk fairy !

Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player? His horse drowned . . .