The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
Knock Knock Who's there ! B-2 ! B-2 who ? B-2 school on time !
Whats the definition of love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
How do you see that a linedancer came from Belgium and not from the Netherlands? He wears the cardboard box on his boots.
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.
Have you seen www.topsecret.com? If I have, I'm not going to tell you.
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!
A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.
Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible. Yes I can see you're not all there!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job.
What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards ? Best vicious of the season
Knock Knock Who's there ! Czech ! Czech who ? Czech before you open the door !
Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?" "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."
Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down. I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.
It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said,"Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time."And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the cou rt without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass. Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he's ever seen in all his life. He gasped, "I don't understand it!" The young beauty answered, "Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck."
Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!
Why don't you see blonde pharmacists? They can't get the bottles into the typewriter!
Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?
Doctor, doctor, my baby's swallowed a watch! Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.
This old lady was complaining to her friend about a little problem she had with vaginal itch. Her friend suggested that maybe she had an STD. The old lady replied "that's impossible because I am a virgin". To solve the problem the old lady went to the doctor for check up. After the exam the doctor said: " I have good news and bad news, the good news is that you are clean of all STD'S. The bad news is that you have fruit flies because your cherry is rotten"