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You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Yo momma like potato chips: Fri-to Lay.

Yo momma's so stupid she stared at an orange juice box because it said concentrate

You're so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, they'd arrest you for mooning!

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

Who wears your GOOD clothes?

Yo momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her.

Here lies my wife: here let her lie !

I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture.

Yo momma like Crazy Eddie: She's practically giving it all away.

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

A 20th century man... The guy has no future.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Sure, I'd love to help you, which way did you come in?

Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.