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If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginner's luck!

I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

A cup and saucer short of a place setting.

Yo momma's so poor I saw her walking down the street kicking a can,I said what you doing mrs. johnson, she said MOVING.

The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.

Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot.

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.

You're so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, they'd say "Sorry, no professionals!"

I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.

I knew right away that Rock Hudson was gay when he did not fall in love with me.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

She's so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!

All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?

You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.

What's the latest dope -- besides you?

Yo momma like a stamp: You lick her stick her then send her away.

A brain like a BB in a boxcar / box of Corn Flakes.

Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?