Bachelors know more about women than married men, that's why they not married.
Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.
I got a postcard from a blonde friend of mine. It said, Having a good time. Where am I?
I am not honking because I love Jesus - I'm honking 'cause you can't drive
Women are like Angels...always up in the air and harping about something.
Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt.
I've got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date.
The reason a dog is man's best friend is because he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children cope with teenagers of their own.
Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist.
Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, while others only gargle.
Life is like a play. It's not its length, but its performance that counts.
Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
My brother is so dumb, he nearly strangled himself with a cordless phone.
Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Scientists have discovered a food that lowers a woman's sex drive by 90 percent...wedding cake.