I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.
A 400 pound woman was sexually assaulted yesterday. Police are still trying to find a motive.
Never argue with an idiot - folks might not be able to tell the difference.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty are "XL".
I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.
If there was a tax on sex, I'd be getting a hefty refund check.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
Some girls don't just choose a boyfriend, they pick him.....to pieces.
Don't let aging get you down...It's too hard to get back up.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night."
A mistake is simply another way of doing things.
Remember the times when the air was clean and sex was dirty?
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
A young hooker uses Vaseline to get it in...an old one uses PolyGrip to keep it in.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
Some people just don't know how to drive: I call these people, "everybody but me"
Behind every great man is a puzzled woman.
My sister is so fat, she could jump up in the air and get stuck