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Someday you will get your big chance...or have you already had it?

A day without sunshine is like night.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

Views expressed by husbands are not necessarily those of the management.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.

Keep talking; someday you'll say something intelligent.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

All men are not fools, there are still some bachelors.

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

In parts of the world, people still pray in the streets. In this country they're called pedestrians.

If you laid every woman of earth end to end... you'd probably have a really sore penis.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.

I misplaced my dictionary, now I'm at a loss for words.

We had a great neighborhood watch going when I was a kid...until she closed her curtains.

I think I'm having amnesia and deja vu too. I'm sure that I've forgotten all this before.

A mistake is simply another way of doing things.

You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.

In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most.

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?