Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
I don't hate my ex-wife...I worship the quicksand she walks in.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Love is grand. Divorce is ten grand.
Views expressed by husbands are not necessarily those of the management.
I've decided to take a wife...I just haven't decided whose yet.
The best way to get rid of a telemarketer is to ask them what they are wearing.
If having sex is like riding a bike, I must own a uni-cycle.
My mind is like concrete: thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
Men's brains are like the prison system... not enough cells per man.
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods overseas. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach...especially if it belongs to your partner.
Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom?
Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
It isn't that life is short. It's that death is so long.
Researchers have finally released the ingredients in Viagra: 2% aspirin, 2% ibuprofen, 1% filler, and 95% Fix a Flat
How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?