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In poker, a good deal depends on a good deal.

A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.

If money won't make you happy, you won't like poverty either.

Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

A diplomat is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing.

I think I am getting to that awkward age. Too young for Medicare and too old for men to care.

I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock

Last night, the sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Good sex can correct poor posture...or at least make it stand up straight.

Why is Wednesday called "Hump Day" when most people get laid on the weekends?

Why don't you slip into something more a coma.

May the roof above us never fall in and the friends below never fall out.

When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum.

Some folks are so eager to find fault, you'd think there's a reward.

Love is a fire. Whether it will warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Shoot for the moon...even if you miss, you will land among the stars.

Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Do women's breasts really swell in the summertime, or is it just me?

The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.