Life without bears would be unbearable.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I either want less corruption, or a chance to participate.
I don't give a shit, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.
I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
Even on the most exalted throne, you are still sitting on nothing but your ass.
Live as long as you like. It won't shorten how long you're dead.
It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face!
My wife is mad at me. I told her she had a run in her nylons, but she wasn't wearing any.
Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra? He's a little stiff now.
The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.
Sometimes I just can't prevent clean thoughts from entering my mind.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference.
False hope is better than no hope at all.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Lots of men are homeless, but some are home less than others.
Did you hear about the blonde that thought an innuendo is an Italian suppository ?
I'm writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don't buy it.
Shhhh...that's the sound of nobody caring what you think.
I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the one that made it.