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Men are like TV Commericals...You can't believe a word they say.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

If you are living on the edge, make sure you are wearing your seatbelt.

She's so skinny...I've seen more meat on a cheeze sandwich.

Life's a buffet... so eat me!

Some people get AIDS from sex. Clinton got sex from aides.

An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs.

Life is like a play. It's not its length, but its performance that counts.

If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room.

I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence.

I believe that dust protects furniture.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

Speaking your mind isn't the same thing as using it.

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.

The ladder of success is difficult to climb with your hands in your pockets.

Sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things that money can buy.

My marriage turned out to be a rest period between romances.