I'm not suddenly a dirty old man... I've been practicing since 1949.
Keep talking; someday you'll say something intelligent.
If stupidity got me into this mess, then why can't it get me out?
Seek and you shall be disappointed.
I'm not saying she's a tramp, but her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy afternoon.
Among the footprints in the sands of time, make sure yours aren't not the mark of a heel.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
A day without sunshine is like night.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
Some women are terribly hard to please...the rest are impossible!
Right now in Spain, it's the annual Running of the Bulls. Followed, of course, by the Soiling of the Pants and then the Burying of the Idiots.
Drinking makes me see double and feel single.
Our #1 problem is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything...but don't quote me.
A pessimist is a man who feels that all women are bad. An optimist hopes so.
I clean my house every other day. Today is the other day.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.
Travel is very educational. I can now ask for Kaopectate in seven different languages.
I don't mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just bullshit!
10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo.