If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat 'til the wrinkles fill out.
Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it.
If obstacles get in your way, do as the wind does...whistle and go around them.
We wanted a house that looked lived in, so we bought all our furniture from the YMCA.
My hometown is so tough, gun shops have "Back to School" sales.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
If a 9 year old is clever enough to play video games, he's smart enough to run the washing machine....
My life has a superb cast...I just can't figure out the plot.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
So you are better at sex than anybody. Now all you need is a partner.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Lots of men are homeless, but some are home less than others.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Never argue with your wife. Just dicker.
I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.