When I was a kid, I fell into an upholstery machine...now I'm fully recovered.
The right angle from which to approach any problem is the TRY-angle.
My wife wanted to renew our vows. I told her I don't want to make the same mistake twice.
I think I'm having amnesia and deja vu too. I'm sure that I've forgotten all this before.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children cope with teenagers of their own.
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
It's hard to be fit as a fiddle when you're shaped like a cello.
Palindromes date all the way back to Eve.
I once won an argument with a woman... in this dream I had.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be overjoyed.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
It's okay to be ugly, but aren't you overdoing it?
Some people will grow up and spread cheer, others just grow up and spread.
I hate graffiti. In fact, I hate all Italian food.
When the toilet paper of experience is depleted, the ass of reason goes unwiped.
If there was a tax on sex, I'd be getting a hefty refund check.
I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me send money.