A computer will always do what you tell it to do ... but rarely what you want to do.
Hard work is its own reward, but wouldn't you rather have the money?
Be careful about reading health books. You might die of a misprint.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years...then we met.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be overjoyed.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
Ladies, when you're climbing the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your dress.
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Dead owls don't give a hoot.
My attention isn't hard to get. But it *is* hard to keep...
Never argue with an idiot - folks might not be able to tell the difference.
When you think you have someone eating out of your hand, count your fingers.
Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are enough
You know you're getting older when happy hour is a nap.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
Consultants have credibility because they aren't dumb enough to work at your company.
Women are the kind of problem I don't mind wrestling with.
A girl with a lisp asked me if I wanted to join her in a song. Now I need a lawyer.
There are easier things in life than finding a good man... like nailing Jello to a tree, for instance.