I'm such a terrible lover, I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.
Lots of men are homeless, but some are home less than others.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
It would save me a lot of time if my supermarket had an aisle marked "unhealthy crap".
People will follow your footsteps more readily than they will follow you advice.
This is a day for firm decisions...or is it ?
It's hard to be fit as a fiddle when you're shaped like a cello.
Marriage is like a violin; After the sweet music is over, there are still strings are attached.
God gave men muscles because he gave women strength.
My wife says my lovemaking is like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
If someone cuts you off in traffic, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
A girl with a lisp asked me if I wanted to join her in a song. Now I need a lawyer.
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you that?
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I drove my wife to the airport.
I'm not saying she's a tramp, but her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.
I told my wife that I'd like some variety in my sex life. She told me to use my other hand.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge...others just gargle.