For Sale: Nordic Track, hardly used, call 555-1234, ask for Chubby.
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
The definition of henpecked. : A sterile husband afraid to tell his pregnant wife.
The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
Fifty-six percent of all women carry condoms. The other 44% carry babies.
A girl with a lisp asked me if I wanted to join her in a song. Now I need a lawyer.
Does the career advice, "Come early on your first day" apply in the porn business?
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
You can't go wrong with me... but you're welcome to try.
I love to give homemade gifts...which one of the kids would you like?
After our last argument, my wife told me: I hope your next wife appreciates the improvements I've made in you.
They say that love is the answer, but sex raises some pretty good questions.
Don't you wish your life was as interesting as you let on it is on Facebook?
Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.
Don't Be Sexist. Broads hate that.
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I drove my wife to the airport.
My ex-wife says that she will dance on my grave. I've now arranged to be buried at sea.
You know you're in a small town when everyone knows whose credit is good and whose wife isn't.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.